Man I love to write. For me there is such joy in sitting down to craft a message–no matter what the format. Words and I have a love-fueled relationship.
And the more I write the more I realize what I love most about it: that what we write on a page–creating a vision, a story, a world–is directly connected to our capacity to do that in the life we live out off the page.
The more I test this out, the more I see that it is true.
That we impact a situation beyond what we imagined.
I was talking with a client the other day about relationships. Marriage. Partnership.
I told her that I spent years saying I would never get married, that it was something I was determined to opt out of. Instead, I would live in a beautiful apartment with a stunning view, and entertain different lovers out on the patio. It sounded great. Ideal. Like a fantasy.
But what my heart really wanted was so different than that. It was just that my head didn’t believe that it was possible. So I created a version of what seemed like a gorgeous life but was really just settling. Just letting my fears about marriage and partnership run the show.
that we can create what we really desire.
The truth is that just because something like ‘marriage’ has a label that lots of people have an opinion on doesn’t mean we have to adopt their definition of that label.
The truth is that when we begin to see how our fears or limiting beliefs about something cause us to create that thing in the exact image, we can begin to create something else.
1. Embrace the truth that you can author your life.
A client of mine was looking for a place to live in another country. She was living in hostel, in a situation that made her worry that she might not find a place to stay. She chose to not let the worry consume her. She chose to lean into the idea that her ideal home was out there and that she would absolutely find it. She chose to rest, to take time for herself, to step back from the hunt for a home after she’d made a list of everything she desired and taken the actions that felt right. And she got a home in the exact time she’d set out to–and it’s more than she imagined.
2. Opt out of letting misunderstandings or limiting beliefs run the show.
My client, this woman I’ll call Helena, could have chosen into settling for a place she didn’t really want because she was worried she’d find nothing. She could have chosen to let that limiting belief be what dictated her choice. Instead, she opted out. She chose to entertain the truth that something else wonderful was possible. And she got it.
3. Create your ideal vision.
Helena also made a vision of her ideal home: who she would share it with, where it would be, what it would be close to, what she would experience while living there. She shared it with me. It was beautiful.
4. Remember who you are.
You’re the author of your life. You get to create it. No matter what other people in your life might have taught you, demonstrated or believed–you get to create your life. It can be different than theirs.
Lots of people would have told Helena she should just pick something she didn’t really love because otherwise she might not find anything. Lots of people have done this themselves. We do this–we let fear run the show. But Helena saw that messaging, that tendency of ours, and she remembered something more true: that we are the authors of our life. And she wrote a different story for herself.
On September 7 my husband and I celebrated our two-year anniversary. We brought the handwritten vows we created together to the spot where we got married. We looked at each one, considered how we were doing with upholding it, and talked together about what to celebrate and what to return to. Our vows are things like: dharma–life purpose, love without conditions, awareness, and happiness for the other person.
I didn’t know marriage could be like this. I haven’t seen an example of it, had nothing to base it on. We just knew this is how we wanted it to be. And so we are creating it. And this is what my heart really wanted. And it’s even more than I imagined.