oh, there you are again

That’s what I’ve been saying to the parts of me that show up and go “Hey! You can’t relax! Are you NUTS?! Do you know what will happen if you do? You need to work hard and harder and even harder. And then–again tomorrow.”

Oy. That was exhausting, living that way. And–life changing news flash!–it made everything harder, not easier.

Because if there’s no space, there’s no space for Life to come in and make things easier.

Some of you who know me may be going “Haven’t you been doing that for ages?” Kind of.

I made it a practice a couple years ago to give myself permission to do super luxuriant, nourishing things–even during the workday. Gasp. So I take time out and go the spa, get a massage, sit on a cafe sidewalk and watch people while sipping drinking chocolate.

But something happened after going back to work after having our daughter. My time for working is less. By choice. I have certain times where I can do it uninterrupted. So that old habit of mine of go go go, fill every minute, you have two minutes of work time left so keep going and get this next thing done, too–that habit came back.

The sneaky thing about this habit is that it seems so valid. It seems like “Of course you need to do it all that way–you don’t have time.”

And there it is: that false, stress-perpetuating lie. That we don’t have time. That time is limited. That it’s linear and racing by us. That we have to try to catch up, to make time, to find time.

I did an experiment a couple years ago: I started changing how I talked about time. Which changed how I thought about time.

I stopped saying “I don’t have time.” I stopped talking about time as a master of me. That caused me to think about time differently.

Which meant I experienced time differently.

Apparently, time isn’t linear. It isn’t even logical. It’s like, triple dimensional. Or something. I don’t know the science of it. Someone out there does. Not me.

All I know is it isn’t how we have decided it is.

Time. is. infinite.

Probably.

It definitely is impacted by how we perceive it. If I think I have no time, I will feel that. If I think I have lots of time, I will feel that. And then–and this is the magical part–I’ll actually have more time.

Don’t trust me. Test it.

Like I am. Again. When those parts of me that go “You can’t relax!” get loud, I go “Yup, I can. And I will. I have time. It’s okay.”

With me?

With love and light ahead,

Lindsey

Apr 29, 2019 · Read More · Comment

Self-Acceptance Vs. Self-Improvement

This. This is what I have been doing lately. Self-acceptance vs. self-improvement.

It’s not work that comes naturally. I’m a recovering gotta show only the impressive bits lady. And lately I’m a mission to change that. For me. For my daughter. For the world. The Things I’d Never Say podcast is all about this. And my daily practices of embracing all parts of me–the messy, the sad, the angry, the jealous–is part of this. 

I’m human. You’re human. It’s okay. 

Like the great coach Robert Holden once said, “No amount of self-improvement can make up for a lack of self-acceptance.”

Please read this quote from spiritual teacher Pema Chodron, from her book The Wisdom of No Escape:

“When people start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline, they often think that somehow they are going to improve, which is a sort of subtle aggression against who they really are. It’s a bit like saying, “If I jog, I’ll be a much better person.” “If I could only get a nicer house, I’d be a better person.” “If I could meditate and calm down, I’d be a better person.”

But loving-kindness – maitri – towards ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means that we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already. The ground practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we ware. That’s the ground, that’s what we study, that’s what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest.” 

Will you join me in this? It’s truly bold, transformational, counter-culture work. And it feels DAMN GOOD.

Light ahead.

Love Lindsey

Apr 1, 2019 · Read More · Comment

Balancing the Doing and the Being

I love lots of things. I love doing lots of things.

It can be a problem.

Because part of me is always dreaming of more, imagining more, and going “I wonder what it would be like to try ______. I bet it would be SO MUCH FUN!” It usually is.

BEING TIME

Lately, I’ve been leaning into scheduling in Recovery Time. Because without a balance between the Doing and the Being, there’s no Being left. There’s just a shell of me, going “How the H did I end up here again–exhausted and worn out by the things that were bringing me joy?”

Exploring balancing the Being with the Doing is changing the richness of my days, the amount I appreciate the things I do get to do, and tapping me back in to being Radically Present.

GO, GO, GO–PAUSE

I add in Recovery Time, or Being Time, after a morning spent taking care of myself, my baby, getting ready for work, getting our home set-up for the nanny, and making sure everything that needs to be communicated happens.

Before I kick off the next part of my day, I pause.

I take a few deep breaths. I put my feet up and lean back in my chair. And I consider how great things are.

I add in Being Time at the end of the day. I lay out my yoga mat or splay out on the carpet and surrender to gravity. I move and breathe and open my hips. I twist. I sit cross-legged. I feel my body. My breath. The moment I’m in. I rest.

LET’S GET EUROPEAN ABOUT IT

Sometimes I add in Being Time to the middle of the afternoon. I might take fifteen minutes to sit at a cafe and drink a Roiboos Chai Latte and watch the people.

Being Time doesn’t have to be hours long. Though don’t get me wrong, I schedule that, too. Hello, spa massage. Being Time can be a few minutes.

And those few minutes can be a reminder of the Why behind my actions, the Purpose behind the busy, and re-ignite the Joy inside my Soul.

With love,

Lindsey

Mar 4, 2019 · Read More · Comment

How to Hear From a Kick-Ass Wise Woman: You

Do you ever wish you could ask for advice from someone who knows you better than anyone? Me too. I’m doing new and unexpected things so damn often that I nearly always think “I wish someone could guide me here.” Then I ask the very best person to do that: me.  YOUR POWERFUL SELF Except:…

Feb 4, 2019 · Read More · Comment

I Started Being Radically Present and it Changed Everything

I’M NOT REALLY HERE Do you ever feel like you are in the room with someone you love, but not really in the room with someone you love? I felt that way a LOT. Like my mind was always on the next thing. Tomorrow. A month from now. Next year. My life was passing me…

Jan 7, 2019 · Read More · Comment (1)
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