I’d made a decision to consciously explore love as giving this year. It wasn’t that I had never been there, in that loving-giving space. But I hadn’t been there consciously.
THE SEARCH FOR LOVE I believe the search for the deep, encompassing love another person gives to you is bioligical. We are genetically programed to want to find a mate. But beyond biology is a kind of love that can lift us up, carry us through, and hold us steady in the knowledge we are not alone. And we don’t receive it. We carry it with us always. We feel it most when we give it.
SMALL MIRACLES This year, with the birth of my niece, the once-a-week doggy-sitting of a spunky little miniature schnouzer, and a now-ended relationship with an exceptional man, I fully began to live that love. I practiced it mindfully, care-fully, and consciously. I became aware that when I was with any of those three the moments I felt the most love were not when they reached out to me, but when I gave love to them. With all three, there was never any guarantee that what I offered would be returned, or even accepted.
THE REALIZATION This has been a transformational realization for me. It’s helped me become an ever more giving-without-thinking-of-receiving kind of person. It’s also leading me down a path towards looking less and less to others for my own happiness. Yes, happiness comes from inside. Yes, searching for happiness is an unhappy activity. (Thanks to yoga master Mark Whitwell for that gem.) And yes, I carry the greatest love within my own heart.
We all do.
I’ll be carrying this knowledge with me into 2011, and giving thanks to the greater, good, and wonder-full for the opportunity to grow in this way.