how to stop looking for love, and find it

lindsey lewis libre living pic courtesy FlickrCC Only Sequel 600 by 402

Looking for Love

One of my mentors once said to me, “Lindsey, I wish you would stop looking for love.”

He brought it up because I’d arrived to meet with him with heartache on my mind. I felt alone and empty. Carried a big aching void in my heart.

He asked me to hold out my hand; he put a cell phone in my palm. “Imagine it’s a puppy,” he said, “what would you say?”

Finding Love

I started off feeling really silly, pretending that this cell phone was a little dog. But slowly, as I baby talked and cooed, I began to get what he was aiming at.

I didn’t need to wait to receive love—it was inside me to give.

Many different traditions talk about samadhi, bliss, ananda, nirvana or union—a connection with a universal consciousness-—an endless ocean of unconditional bliss that we can dive into anytime, on our own.

Being Love

I decided to consciously practice loving rather than waiting and hoping—just to see what happened. So I began puppy-sitting a Miniature Schnouzer named Nea.

Every week we went for walks by the ocean, shared a meal together, and lots of cuddles.

The instant I walked in the door that little dog was delighted.

And I used to think that’s why people love pets—because they love them back.

But I realized, during my doggy-sitting days, that I felt the MOST LOVE when I was loving Nea—not the other way around. I felt the most love when I was giving her a good belly-scratch, or watching her run free along the beach.

I felt the most love when I was delighting her.

I felt the most love when I was giving it.

Who to Love

In certain traditions of Sufism, love is talked about as needing both an object and a subject. A lover and a beloved. Without a beloved, the one loved, love is not activated, or engaged. It doesn’t come alive.

But this doesn’t mean we need a partner to feel love. I began to take my consciously giving love practice beyond my doggy-sitting days—and offered it unasked-for to yoga students, friends, shopkeepers, and strangers I met on the street.

The ache in my heart went away. I didn’t feel a void anymore. I began to experience being FILLED with love—and felt fulfilled in return.

Meeting the Man of my Dreams

One day, years after beginning this practice, I sat down in the middle of a field beneath the sun with a soulful, very connected friend of mine and we went over our deepest wish list for a partner. Two weeks later I met him.


Who can you give love to today?
What does that feel like in your body?
And how can we make this a conscious practice in our day-to-day lives?

Thinking of you,


Feb 14, 2014 · Comment (2)

2 comments · Add Yours

Indeed Lindsey,

The connection is always there, that is, every-thing and every-body is connected to everything else! It is one of life’s great lessons, to be learned. The ‘mistake’ we fall in, is in believing that we are separate because we do not ‘see’ a physical connection.

Paraphrasing JFK’s words given in a speech:

“…for in the final analysis, our most basic common link, is that we all inhabit this small planet, we all breathe the same air, we all cherish our children’s futures, and we are all mortal.”

We are made of the same ‘stuff’ and so if LOVE is to be found in any of us, then it must be inside ALL of us…it is everywhere and IN every-thing! To the extent that we recognize this, and live it by giving it every chance, the mirror image is reflected back to us — because it is everywhere and in every-thing.

Thank you Lindsey.



Thank you for this lovely post – it reminded me that, as a single woman, I am on the right track, focusing on loving my friends and family and sharing that love… and with my colleagues and strangers too… however, I would love a puppy too! :)


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