the self-sacrificing woman. I call bull$hit. an ode to happiness


So today, the makers of this ad celebrate Crystal, who puts all of her “responsibilities before herself time and again.”

Today, I say screw that. Piss off. You and your health-crushing, stereotype-promoting, woman-minimizing messaging. This doesn’t serve anybody. How many times in how many ways do we need to hear this? “In order to be a good woman, you need to put yourself last.”



Today, I celebrate the women who put themselves first.

The women who run medical clinics because it fuels their soul, head up Girl Scouts because it’s what lights their fire, and are active moms because it rocks their world. Not because they feel they need to put themselves last. I celebrate the women who let themselves get the rest they need, who follow their hearts, pursue their dreams, and say ‘no’ to what society says they should say ‘yes’ to simply because they’re women. I celebrate women who decide to serve a quick-and-easy dinner because they’re off to dance class, or an entrepreneur networking event, or pottery, or kick-boxing or to the park to watch the damn grass grow if that’s what their essential self really wants. Not because they’re too exhausted from putting themselves last.

“Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson

Only when we begin to serve our deepest self do we begin to truly serve the world. We are not here to suffer, to hide, to step behind. We are here to step up, and into ourselves. We are here to pursue what makes each of us uniquely and truly happy. Because when we do this, we are pursuing the passion of our soul–and our reason for being on this planet.

And to those who say this is selfish, that better people sacrifice their own happiness, I say this:

“Contemporary research shows that happy people are more altruistic, more productive, more helpful, more likable, more creative, more resilient, more interested in others, friendlier, and healthier. Happy people make better friends, colleagues, and citizens.” – Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

So stop telling us we need to put ourselves last in order to be celebrated. I call bull$shit on that.


If you do, too, please share this post everywhere. It’s time this social programming got de-programmed.

Facebook: Today I’m celebrating women who put their dreams first. Who say ‘no’ to what society tells them they should do–just because they’re women–and ‘yes’ to their hearts. #celebratewomen ‘Share’ if you are, too!

Twitter: Celebrating women who say ‘no’ to what society says they should do + ‘yes’ to their hearts. #celebratewomen

Much love,


Jul 3, 2012 · Comment (5)

5 comments · Add Yours

Loved this- thanks for posting.


This is so true. Wish i understood this decades ago!


Really, REALLY love this post! I’m going to share it as well – inspiring, beautiful and right on! “We are not here to suffer, to hide, to step behind. We are here to step up, and into ourselves.” – love this especially :)


I love this too !! One of the reasons I do is because I have always marched to the beat of my own drummer as a Mother,( ok as a person too !) in that I gave to myself, while spending quality time with my daughters, by NOT doing what was the ” Norm ” , but listening to my heart. Was I perfect ? Nope, but I feel confident that my daughters can think for themselves instead of doing what is expected of them based on other peoples standards ! I am absolutely certain I provided a great topic of gossip for a number of people over the years, because I threatened their ” shoulds ” of parenting while looking way too happy while doing it.. but I wouldn’t trade those years for a moment ! The smile on my face right now is testament.


I whole-heartedly agree! Here’s a quick story that relates to twisted priorities:

Years ago, the bank where I worked honoured a colleague in front of hundreds of staff, for leaving his family who were on a picnic to take care of a work emergency.

I couldn’t leave my job soon enough.


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