sometimes I’m an anxious mess

Do you ever feel like there’s something you just can’t say? Or that there’s a part of you that you’re not proud of?

That’s how I felt about my anxiety. Years ago, I decided that I would handle my anxiety this way: by not talking about it. Ever. I didn’t like the role it played in my life—so, I’d ignore it.

There were some benefits: I stopped using my anxiety as a reason to not do things I longed to do. I stepped out, took more risks, followed my heart more, got bolder and braver.

There was also a cost: by disowning a part of myself, I entrenched a misbelief—that part of me wasn’t okay. That part of me was something to be ashamed of.

When I challenged myself to do stand up comedy, it was partly because I knew it would be scary. It was also because I knew I was going to be honest about my anxiety. And use it as material. That meant no longer hiding it, no longer avoiding talking about it. It meant getting on stage and being loud about it, into a microphone, in front of over 150 people!

This experience has been life changing. I’m still sitting with the resonance of that powerful decision. Day after day, the after-effect of stepping out of shame and into being okay with being me—and I mean all of me—ripples out into my daily life in big, beautiful ways.

Melanie Phillips, a bright light and teacher in this world, asked me to be on her Be The Light podcast recently. We talk about saying ‘yes’, living courageously, and how to handle fear and anxiety. Plus, I get vulnerable—again—about my own experience. If that lights you up, you can listen here.

With love,

Lindsey