fear, narrow-mindedness: cheers to you

There’s something to be said for confusion. Also: fear, anxiety, uncertainty, insecurities, narrow-mindedness, and just scraping by.

And something to be said to them: Thank you.

Before today, before this life that I’m living now, I was chalk full of all of the above. (I still have episodes of all them; they just don’t take up nearly as much space anymore.) I had endless days jam crammed with them. I sat at my computer, resolutely chaining my self to my desk during normal working hours, forlornly watching my email inbox, re-posting my ads for services offered and waiting for the work requests to come in. And the confusion, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, insecurities, narrow-mindedness, and just scraping by were there–big time. Plus a dash of self-doubt for good measure.

Thanks to You
One word rang true in my heart, and made me feel better: Thank you. It became my mantra. I never understood why, or what I was saying thank you for. I just knew that it was the power I needed. I repeated it again and again.

And the other day I had a thought rise up, unbidden. Maybe, aside from the obvious gift of reminding us to be thankful for what we have, rather than what we don’t have, that mantra is powerful because of yin and yang. Maybe, though my head couldn’t grasp it, those Thank yous rang true to my heart because that space knows there is no light without darkness, no pleasure without pain, no ability to be grateful for the absence of something unless we’ve experienced it.

Maybe, those Thank yous were my heart’s way of giving thanks to the universe–for putting me through tougher times, so I could fully appreciate the great ones.

Something I’m going to try to remember the next time this roller coaster ride takes a plunge.

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Mar 12, 2010 · Comment
 
 

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